Help your buddy get dressed and look his sharpest on the most important day of his life.
Do give him give a pep talk or an encouraging word. He may even need a shot of whiskey in a more serious case of nerves. This could possibly be your opportunity to bond for the last time so cherish the moment.
Don’t give him too much to drink. Or else, you’ll have to prop him up and do the responses yourself! And, watch what you say or fingers will start pointing when he doesn’t show up at the altar.
2. Back The Groom Up At The Bride’s House
Trust me, bridesmaids can be absolutely diabolical, and that’s putting it politely. There are countless stories of blackmail and torture before the groom and his mates are even allowed to set foot within the house. He’ll be a nervous wreck at their mercy.
Do bring a significant amount of cash. In the event where the bridesmaids unreasonably demand a bigger red packet, you’ll be able to lend a hand. Trust me, it’s highly likely!
Don’t be a ‘chickenshit’ and run away from the “wicked stepsisters” at the gate. He’ll be left to fend for himself!
3. Lead The Groomsmen
Make sure your groomsmen know how to escort guests to their seats and that the bride’s side is on the left while the groom’s is on the right.
Do make sure they know which side is which. Also, show them the proper way to escort a lady to her seat, by the arm.
Don’t be too particular or they’ll find you a pain. You don’t have to tattoo “bride” and “groom” on their left and right palms you know…
4. Safe Keep The Rings
Hold onto the rings and present them during the ceremony.
Do bring a spare ring in case. Shit happens – you might just have a hole in your pocket!
Don’t search frantically for the ring! Imagine the horror of the on-looking bride whose face rapidly turns cadaverous. Don’t even pretend to ask the guests if anyone has a spare. You’ll be the one who’s dead when the bride gets her hands on you.
5. The Toast & Speech
Begin the toasting by offering the first toast to the couple. The very point of transition from formal to informal, this is the signal that ties may now be loosened and collars unbuttoned. Take it easy. Tell a lame joke so even if they don’t laugh you won’t feel intimidated.
Do prepare your speech! Wing it and you’re a goner for sure. Borrow lines, quotes and anecdotes to liven things up.
Don’t be a nervous klutz and get their names wrong! And don’t just laugh nervously while everyone stares blankly at you.
6. Watch The Drinks
Make sure the beer or wine never runs dry. At the same time, shield the groom from alcohol ambushes by drinking on his behalf.
Do undergo drink-training way in advance. Make sure your tolerance level is there on the actual day or you’re both screwed!
Don’t join in the fun and attempt to get him drunk. What kind of a mate are you?
It is common courtesy to dance with the maid of honour or bridesmaids. You should dance with the bride too if the groom permits.
Do dance with the lovely ladies.
Don’t bother if they’re far from lovely.
Weddings often bring out the best and worst in friends and family. Situations may arise which require quick thinking and an equally swift response. A drunken and abusive guest, a tipsy and amorous sister-in-law or even a cheesy DJ needs to be remedied ASAP. Time to prove your mettle as best man.
Do beef yourself up a little and practise a few martial art moves. We’re not kidding! Not only will you look good for the wedding, there seriously may come a time when you have to punch someone in the face to stop him from ruining the whole affair. They say a drunken man has superhuman strength – there’s no smoke without fire.
Don’t be over zealous or you may spend the night behind bars! Or, you may be in big trouble when they sue the pants off you.